Days Two and Three

 

Well, yesterday I spent most of the afternoon nursing a fussy baby and nursing myself back to health. I had a horrible reaction to our lunch, which clearly contained egg that I was unaware of.  Well, today I am feeling 100% better!!! So...

THANKS #4 is for my wonderful husband, Ricky. 

Yesterday, when I was having a gallbladder attack, he ran to the store to pick up a remedy, and then cared for the kiddos while I rested. (and I am so thankful!) So, sorry to be shmoopy woopy but here ya go! He is just so handsome! I often just look at his face and think, I could stare at him for the rest of my life. He has super great style, he is hilarious, he is an amazing daddy, and he is my best friend. Even before we were together we spent all of our time together, and still do to this day.  He is incredibly tallented and successful at everything he tries. I could go on and on about how wonderful this man is. Lord, thank You for this great husband You have given me. Thank You for giving him the patience to wait for me. Thank You that I can be myself infront of him, completely raw and with no bondaries and he still loves me. 

THANKS #5 is for the miraculous product that is Flax Seed!

I have struggled with gallbladder attacks anytime I have certain trigger foods. Well, eggs are often impossible to guess if they're in something and yesterday was a bad one! I am so thankful to find a remedy of flaxseed tea! It was one of the weirdest things I ever drank! It was the consistency of egg whites, but I felt 100% better 30 minutes after drinking it. I am SO SO thankful for this! Last week, I was hurting for 3 days!! So thank You LORD!

THANKS #6 is for this book we have started. "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. This is the prompt to start a list of thanks. 

God really has spoken to me that my heart, if focused on thanks, will be a healthy heart. Honestly, how often do my prayers circle around my needs. Granted, God wants us to come to Him with everthing and He is always open hearted, but I no longer want my relationship with Him to be so self centered. I have been given so much and in all reality, I should be able to continue this list every day till I can thank God to His face!

THANKS #7 & #8 are for my mommy and daddy:

I love them so. It has been a scarey year so far, with Mama being in the hopsital for a month and almost losing her.  I am SO thankful for God finally giving the Dr's the wisdom to find what was wrong and fix it. It was close. Today, Mom is out with Jovee for her special "alone day" for Jovee's birthday. I'm sure they are having so much fun!

The girls LOVE their Papa Lance! They love to go visit and climb up and sit in his lap as we watch TV or jump and dance around his living room while he blares Journey (yuck). They get so excited to visit him at work to see all the "cool cars he is making."  Last week he was running around waving his arms like a nut to show the girls his "magic" way to turn on the motion sensored lights. They thought it was amazing! (i regret not getting a video clip of it... it was great)

THANKS #9 is for my salvation. These are not in order of the amount of thanks, these are merely as they come to mind. I don't even know where to start with this. God, Himself, paid for my wrongs by His own blood. How can I even repay Him? And to continue, He day by day renews me and restores parts of my heart when I spend time with Him. He has given me new life here on earth, newness of life every day, and life eternally... and for that I will be forever grateful!

Day one

We started a new book, One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. She was challenged to make a list of 1000 things she was thankful for. 

As I start her book, I too feel led to start listing off all I have to be thankful for. This is my view as a look down from this contemplative moment:

... Perfect and sweet, she looks at me as a peer over my book. The first thing to catch my eye is her glorious double chin. You see, I have fed this little lady from my own body from the moment she was born. This is something I had struggled with so much with Charlee and Jovee. I was never successful with breastfeeding them.  So though it may sound crazy, my THANKS #1 is for Lucia's double chin.

Thank You, God, for equipping my body with the ability to nourish this child completely and the knowledge to do it properly and effectively.

THANKS #2 is for her sweet head that I can rest my cheek upon as I feed and rock her. Her smooth baby hair is so sweet and soft and delicate. I love little head!

THANKS #3 is for the trifecta that makes up #charleejoandlu also known as my daughters. I never thought I would be a mom, especially to three beautiful ladies!

“Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have! (Matthew 6:22, 23 MSG)

My mind races to things upon things to be thankful for. I would love for you to take this challenge with me!! May our hearts abound it gratitude!! 

Sincerely,

Jen

Friends

Have you ever gone through something that sucked really bad and the whole time you just keep wondering, "Why the heck is this happening?" That's  been my week. I keep mulling over words like "Victim" and "severed relationship" and sipping on my sour drink of bitterness. 

I'm angry. 

I'm not ready to forgive. 

I'm not the one in the wrong. 

I keep justifying my self-pity as I replay the various events of the last 6 days.  

Then comes along that divinely sent friend to speak that yucky truth you are not ready to hear. 'Give me a few move weeks so I can wallow a bit more. Remember, I am the victim here.'

But no... They say exactly what you need to hear, and the chances are they really don't understand the depths of your heart that their words are reaching. They speak as if God is whispering right into their ears what to say. (He probably is, ya know!)

That's when it hit me today, on the way between picking up Pei Wei and driving home... "She's been here before, too. She tasted this drink and had the proverbial 'bitter beerface' of being wronged. And look how God's using it!"

I'm a firm believer in something my coworker and good friend Paula tells me; "God never wastes a hurt." Of course I forget in the midst of the hurt and I just want to stay angry... But what a beautiful example this sweet ministering friend on mine, Cynthia, is. (Yah, that's right! I called you out!)

As she has recovered from her pain, she was open enough to share her heartache with me. Her recovery brought about through a painful combination of prayer and humility... I hate humility... My woundedness wants to be soothed and pride edified... Not torn down further than they've already take me!! Remember, I'm the victim!!

But no, Jesus says to pray for those who cause you harm. Stupid David acted this out with his relationship with King Saul. So many times he could have killed him, and rightfully so! But he waited patiently, in the desert, for God to bring about his revenge and fulfill His promise. (Intrigued?! Read First and Second Samuel... And a Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards)

http://www.amazon.com/Tale-three-Kings-Study-Brokenness/dp/0842369082

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+1&version=NET

I look at my friend, Cynthia and I see the beautiful example of why God lets bad things happen to us. She weathered an extremely difficult time, but through God's strength, prayer, and a ton of humbleness, she won over as more than a conqueror, bringing hope and direction to my current circumstance. Reaching even further, her hurt still continues to be used to minister as she allows herself to be an open and transparent story. That is the friend that God calls us to be. 

I Don't Want To...

“Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else.” (Mark 9:35 NLT)

I've been thinking about this verse a lot over the last week. I honestly believe it is because God is whispering it into my ear, of course, at the perfect time. To be honest, I don't like this verse. I don't like what God is requiring of me in it. I don't like the very humbling actions I have to take to obey it. I don't want to being a slave. 

I work in customer service. I work at a pediatric dental office in Scottsdale, Arizona. We pride ourselves in being the best of the best. "The Nordstrom's of Pediatric Dentistry." Next year marks the completion of my 7th year there. I never would have pictured myself working in dentistry, working with people. One thing about me is I am an introvert. I am a paper pusher. I would be completely content sitting in a little cubicle, adding numbers or filling out forms. Instead, I work with people. Have you ever met people? People are scary! People are selfish! People want to be in charge and to be the queens and kings of their own lives. These are the people God has chosen for me to serve every day. 

Last week, I just didn't feel like being a slave. I'm not sure if there were more demanding people for me to help, or if I just noticed it a bit more than usual. I remember thinking things like, "Really, they didn't even say thank you!?" or "I went way out of my way to do that and they weren't even grateful!" ... and right about that time was when this verse was almost audibly reminded to me in my heart. 

I heard the reminder so clearly, "Servant of All." As I was standing by our postage machine on Thursday, I was reminded of Jesus washing His follower's feet. I was reminded of Jesus' birth in a barn. I was reminded of Jesus, on a rushed journey to a dying girl, stopping to address a woman who had reached out to Him. I was reminded of Jesus' early morning alone time being interupted as crowds of people came to Him to be healed. I was reminded of Jesus being disrupted from a nap to calm the ragging sea and His follower's fears. And today, I was reminded of His death. 

Imagine Him in the garden of Gethsemane, as He battled His own will. Imagine Him crying out, "I don't want to do this!"  "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want Your will to be done, not mine." (Matthew 26:39 NLT)  Jesus was a person just like me. He knew the torcher that He was about to go through. He knew that people would not be grateful, and most experiencing His crucifixion would not even understand that I would be the most imporantant event in history! They wouldn't know what He was experiencing. They wouldn't feel His pain as he suffered excruciating agony not only through His body, but through His soul as He would bearing God's wrath for all man-kind's sins. Imagine the fear He experienced. If He is anything like me, He would be trying to figure out any way possible to get out of the situation. He would be planning His escape or a plan B for bringing about salvation to the World. And as I look at this view of Christ, that He stayed true to God's painful plan for His life, it put a completely different perspective on His call for us of servitude. 

Look at the verses surrounding the call for us to be slaves:

Leaving that region, they traveled through Galilee. Jesus didn’t want anyone to know he was there, for he wanted to spend more time with his disciples and teach them. He said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of his enemies. He will be killed, but three days later he will rise from the dead.” They didn’t understand what he was saying, however, and they were afraid to ask him what he meant. After they arrived at Capernaum and settled in a house, Jesus asked his disciples, “What were you discussing out on the road?” But they didn’t answer, because they had been arguing about which of them was the greatest. He sat down, called the twelve disciples over to him, and said, “Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else.” (Mark 9:30-35 NLT) 

His very own followers were supposed to understand Him and know His teachings and what He stood for! As He told them of His coming death, they were clueless and immediately started to argue about which of them would be the greatest! Maybe they were wondering where at the table Leondaro da Vinci would be placing them for his famous Last Supper painting?! They completely missed the moral of the story! 

Jesus tells them, if greatness truly what you want, you must be a "Slave to All." Then He follows up with prime example of being "The Slave of All" by giving up Himself to pay the price for OUR wrongs. 

What a humbling time of communion. What more can you say than "Thank You, Jesus." Honestly, it doesn't look so bad anymore to enslave myself to fellow man-kind. Whether it be at your work, at the store, to your family or friends, and yes even strangers... I pray that God willl remind you of the blessings that come from laying down your own self, and placing others needs (and wants) above your own. May the Holy Spirit, Himself give you the strength and faithfulness to live a life like Jesus did. Even when we want to say, "I don't want to."

Sincerely,

Jen

Fruit

Most of the time, I write things from my quiet times. This is from our time at church and the things God placed on my heart. I must say it is so refreshing to spend time with God. It is really not that hard to do. You just have to make time for it and be in a setting where you're not distracted (which can be nearly impossible in 2013). 

I'm so blessed by the things God is doing at our church. It is not because of the men and women serving there... it is simply His Holy Spirit speaking into our hearts in the time we allow to quiet ourselves before Him. Here is what I have been learning:

-----------------------------------

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! (Galatians 5:22, 23 NLT) 

Some serious questions come to heart when I read this verse:

• Are these fruit evident in my life? 
• When people look at my life from the outside, without seeing into my heart, would they pin these attributes on me as a person? Am I loving? Do I have Joy or Peace? Am I a patient person? (... and so on)
• Am I actually producing these fruit?
• When do some self examining, do I really have these attributes? Am I a loving, good, faithful person?
• What Fruit am I lacking?
• This answer, I know, can change from time to time depending on circumstance or attitude or how much coffee/sleep I have had. But I don't think that is really the way it works. Let me explain why:

I cannot force myself to produce these fruit. There is nothing of myself that I can do to force out these fruit. It is exclusively the work of the Holy Spirit. 

God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.  Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. (Ephesians 2:8, 9 NLT)

I want to encourage you to take a minute and evaluate yourself as well with each questions. Pray for the Holy Spirit to search your heart and be honest with Him in your response.

• Am I giving the Holy Spirit what He needs to produce these fruit in my life? 
• a willing heart, time reserved for Him or a heart prepared for Holy gardening

Of course, our mighty and amazing God, Who created the world and all in it merely my speaking can do supernatural things in the depths of our hearts where no one besides Him can go. But the question is, am I inviting Him there? Am I allowing time to sit quietly before His feet? Am I asking Him to soften my stubborn heart to be plyable and moldable?

• Am I fighting against it? 
• This can be done so many ways. I know you're probably thinking of what you struggle with now. I could be from as simple as being distracted to as serious of a sin that you won't let go of. My personal biggest struggle is that of time and just making it a priority to sit quietly.

• Am I doing something to prevent fruit from growing?
• 1 Thessalonians 5:19 Paul says in his final few statements of advice merely "Do not stifle the Holy Spirit." No more detail than that given. I think the specifics of that can be worked out with Him and us in our own hearts. What, Oh God, am I doing to stifle You or Your works?

• Am I fertilizing my heart and prepping it for growth? 
• I want to have a willing heart. I want God to work in me His wonders. I want Him to weed from me my mistakes. I want Him to work through me His plans.

God will do the work and bring about these fruit by meditation upon Him. I must not forget the necessity of quiet time for these fruit to be produced!!

Do I HAVE joy? Peace? Patience? If the answer is no...  it will ultimately be remedied only by meditation upon God and His word. No other thing will eliviate these ailments. They may cover up or numb but they will not truly and ultimately rid our hearts of the selfish cancer we've all be born into known as sinful nature.

May I remember HE is the source of all goodness and the source of His fruit. I need to remember this isn't the "Fruit of Jen." It's not MY joy, it's not MY patience (of which I have needed in high demand recently with my kids.)

The things which I seem to rely upon myself for are patience, faithfulness, and self-control. When these things are lacking I question myself with "Why aren't you being patient?" or "Why can't you commit to this and follow through?" In reality, the faithfulness, the control, and the patience that I need are things that can only come from the Spirit of God. These are HIS attributes.  They're not mine. They don't come naturally. Naturally I'm a selfish... self consumed... self centered. There is nothing I can do on my own to change. I know many may disagree. They think that at the heart of people, there is goodness. I know this is wrong just by looking at myself. Seriously. Just stop. Look inside your heart and your motives, your secret feelings, maybe some bitterness you have towards someone, maybe something you have lied about, something you have hidden from everyone, something that you wouldn't want anyone to know. You can answer for yourself.

I have been working on this post for quite a few weeks now. I have been mediating upon exactly what it is that God is showing me. Yesterday I saw the perfect and most sincere example:

Charlee, Jovee and I were having lunch with a friend and my girls were sharing a pita. True to their personalities, Charlee was taking little nibbles as Jovee had scarfed down her whole portion of pita bread. Charlee gently offered Jovee a large piece of her pita, as Jovee was starting to freak over the remaining food that was not immediately going into her mouth. Our friend Jessica asked Charlee how she became such a good big sister and she simply said, "I don't know... but I'm pretty sure it's Jesus."

Yes! She was exactly right! It is Jesus. I couldn't tell you how proud I was of my sweet 4 year old daughter who has got it down! She understands what most Christians take a lifetime to learn! It is not us. Not even a little. 

Holy Spirit, 
Please bestow upon us YOUR joy... YOUR love... YOUR fruit! Thank You for the reminder that I don't need to look deep in myself for the best person I can be. Thank You that in YOU and by Your Holy Spirit, I can be better than myself. I can be a shining example of YOU. Perfectly peaceful, loving, joyful, and patient. Perfectly kind, gentle, and self controlled. Remind me to acknowledge You for the fruit that others see in my life. It is all of You and none of me!

Sincerely,
Jen

Being Quiet

Today I have felt a sense of urgency to do something. Maybe because its the last day of our 10 day long holiday. Maybe because I'm heading back to work tomorrow. Maybe because I don't want to waste any of this time... but God is doing something different.

I know He is putting on my heart, like I said in my last blog post, to be SUBMERGED in Him. I am trying to do this. I am taking action and filling my heart and my mind with the things of God. But still, God is doing something different. 

Being a full time working mom to a two and a four year old leaves little to no quiet time. Here I am, with everyone asleep, and I'm lost! (typical.) Over the past 24 hours I have sat down to read/write multiple times. Every time my brain just stops! I have began 3 blogs, picked up 3 different books, all to just stop. I've gone from a Tozer book, to Ezekiel, to a book on marriage, to a blurb I started on The Holy Spirit. Everything just turns into a dead end. Its just not right! So, You tell me, God. What exactly is it You want me to do with this time. 

... and that's what I heard. Be quiet.

Its amazing the things God can do in the quiet.


...


Isn't prayer often a one sided conversation?

We have something we need, or something someone else needs, and we take the prayer time to ask God of it. We bring our laundry list of chores to God. Yes, we will throw in somethings we are thankful for so we don't seem selfish, but when do we just sit quietly, with open hearts before God?

Maybe you do this all the time? Maybe its just me? But in reality, I think its a healthy reminder of how our relationship with God should be!


How easy is it for us to be distracted?

Just think about your thoughts as you go to bed at night. The things that flood my brain involve the events of the day, the things to come tomorrow, things I wasn't able to to get done, chores, bills, events at work, my children's futures, our future, my family members, friends, recipes/crafts I want to try, things I need to improve, goals I want to accomplish. The list is infinite!

Seriously, just... be... quiet...



...



When I close off my brain, and shoo out the distractions, these are the things I have heard God say to me today.

I am great.

“Look, God is greater than we can understand.
    His years cannot be counted.
²⁷ He draws up the water vapor
    and then distills it into rain.
²⁸ The rain pours down from the clouds,
    and everyone benefits.
²⁹ Who can understand the spreading of the clouds
    and the thunder that rolls forth from heaven?
³⁰ See how He spreads the lightning around Him
    and how it lights up the depths of the sea.
³¹ By these mighty acts He nourishes the people,
    giving them food in abundance."
                                                 -Job 36:26-31



I love you.
"The Lord your God is in your midst,
   a Mighty One who will save; 
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
    He will quiet you by His love;
He will exult over you with loud singing."                                                 -Zephaniah 3:17



I am faithful.
"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for His compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is Your faithfulness.
²⁴ I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for Him.”
                                                 -Lamentations 3:22-24


Be Quiet.
³⁸ As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. ³⁹ Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” ⁴¹ But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! ⁴² There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”
                                                 -Luke 10:38-42



Lord!
Thank You for the quiet! Thank You for the reminder to hush our hearts so that we can hear the encouragement from You heart. How easy it is to just sit before You and listen. Why do we forget to do that? Help us to be like Mary! We as women are being taught to be like Martha. To serve, and rush, and cook, and prepare, and create! (things which we love and we know are good things but only in moderation!) Tap us on the shoulder when we are being too caught up in our check list and the things that demand our attention! We don't want to be stressed and distracted and frustrated and right now we acknowledge that the lack of quietness before You is likely the cause. Thank You for Your promise in Isaiah 58:9 "Then when you call, the Lord will answer.‘Yes, I am here,’ He will quickly reply." 

Let us remember when our minds get so busy and distracted and worked up what Psalm 116:7 says:
"Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

Sincerely,

Jen

The Shore Line

Well, we are own our way back home from our first week long vacation as a family. It has been a much needed time of chillaxin. No rules. No itinerary. No plans. Just taking it easy, visiting with friends, eating good foods, enjoying the beautiful California weather. We have had lots of good conversations with friends this trip, discussing a lot of what God is doing in our hearts and families and churches.

Yesterday, we spent the day at Coronado Beach. It was cool and sunny and beautiful!!! When we were leaving, a thought occurred to me. Even though my kids were soaked and covered in sand, I was only wet up to my thighs. I didn't really even have to change my clothes. Why did I put my swim suit on?

God is like the Ocean. He is magnificently larger that our minds comprehend. We are surrounded by Him. We can enjoy His presence by being around Him, like a day at the beach.

- We can dress like we're going to play in the ocean without even getting wet at all!! Like those that play the role of a devoted Christ Follower, but never actually surrender over to Him.

- We can splash our feet around at the shore line without getting too far out. When we do that, do we comprehend His greatness!?!?! We are robbing ourselves of a completely submerged Christian life.

We can even recreationally surf the waves of God. We can spend our free time relaxing and enjoying ourselves.

... But I think God is beaconing more to us. I believe God is calling us to submerge ourselves deeply within Him. He is calling us to dive down to the depths of His heart and to search Him for all the amazing majesty of Who He is!!

We had a chance to visit with our friend JJ while in San Diego. Ricky and I were his youth leaders when he was in junior high and now his is in his 20s serving in the Navy. He was telling us about serving on the submarine, how they would descent and be below the water for weeks, even months!!! We had the chance to tour a submarine at the San Diego Maritime Museum. (We were not down there for long since Charlee was nervous down there. Ok maybe me too) You have to have some serious dedication to be submerged for that period of time in that confined of a space!! But the payout is worth it.

Just as in our spiritual life, I want to be submerged. I want to experience and explore the wonders of God. This has to be done daily. Not just on Sundays at church. Not just in a prayer before mealtime. This is a daily commitment to be submerged in Jesus. Real life actions of this are to focus my brain and heart on Him first thing when I wake up. (Not surfing whatever social network may be distracting me at the time) This starts with committing that time it read the Bible. It's refocusing our heart on God in quiet inward prayer throughout the day. It's becoming more aware of His continual presence wherever we are. It's about discussing and surrendering everything to Him, not just in trial and disparity. It's finding His glory in everything around us. It's being quiet. It's being loud. It's standing up and it's laying face down.


Lord, I want to complete submerge myself in You! I commit to this for my heart and my self. I want this for no other reason than to know You. When Moses experience You, He wanted more. (Exodus 33-34) We want You, God. We see how dry and depraved this Christian life can be without being submerged. We want to get ourselves out of the way for You to work!!! We want You to be greater and us to be less. So here I am. Dedicating to search You out until I have come to know all of You that I can. And I know that will be accomplished when I get to see You in Paradise, face to face.

Sincerely,
Jen

Check out our vacation pictures at:
http://instagram.com/mrsironbear